This morning I am feeling intensely distracted. I find myself trolling the Facebook pages of self help & growth guru’s for inspirational messages daily. I save them in the hope of referencing them in moments of weakness & passing them on to friends that may also be caught up in the rat race & become distracted.
I understand that I am on a journey, that the journey simply cannot be an easy one….
That NOTHING in life is simple & that sometimes it is but even then we complicate things in our confused & lost human way. That we try to control things that are beyond our reach, understanding or ability. That we swim against the current sometimes in the hope of changing things to be more the way that we feel they should be. That we attempt to shift the future by redirecting singular moments in time to cause paradigm shifts in future moments. That we emotionally exhaust ourselves by over thinking situations & scenarios. That we cause permanent scarring to our emotional selves by taking other peoples comments, baggage, fears, anxieties, dreams, issues on board alongside our own. That we pray for God to help us carry the load but then half way through grab it back & try to carry it ourselves!
And then at the end of it all we are exhausted & pass out at the sideline; often too tired to even think straight & too emotionally drained to lift our heads to see the end of the road or the light beckoning at the exit of the dark tunnel we find ourselves in.
Distractions? I am sitting here thinking that maybe it is just that. Distractions! I have been on such a journey over the last few weeks. I have been questioning whether this whole consciousness thing is just me over analyzing every moment, every thought, every ‘sign’. Maybe its just about being conscious, drinking in the things that speak to me, taking them on board to ponder over them for a moment but then moving on to be present in the next moment without letting the previous thought, realization or situation influence the next?
Recognizing & being grateful for the blessings. searching them out, embracing them & focusing on that rather than trying to constantly look ahead & plan the outcome of things that are FAR BEYOND our control. Believing that all will be as it must be. Working hard BUT not pushing to breaking point your own fragile soul that is being pushed, pulled, fed, directed, re-directed multiple times in one day. Messages from God, planned/ intentional or unplanned/ unintentional messages from other people, subliminal messages from the media, social media…. Friends offering advice, parents offering directions, partners offering support, counselling, therapy, coaching……
The list is absolutely endless & then at the end of the day we are so bombarded by all the communication that we cannot see the wood for the trees.
No time to meditate, rest or rejuvenate. Jobs, kids & spouses to attend to. Some of us with extra responsibilities of ailing parents or struggling siblings to support…. we remain trapped on the hamster wheel running ourselves to breaking point & unable to stop, reassess & remedy our situation.
What is the answer? I am unsure…..
On this journey I am constantly questioning. A wise woman said to me a couple of weeks ago that ‘questioning’ is a sign that I am already breaking through the barriers that may have been created by forces to blind or sidetrack me. So engrossed with every aspect, the mind becomes cluttered & thinking becomes unclear. Distracted by everyday stuff that is actually outside of your control you lose focus spending energy planning strategies & responses for situations that you play out in your mind which may or may never come to pass. Often, when you are imagining those situations, are you not already fabricating them & weaving them into reality by casting them into the universe for forces to grab hold of & use against you?
Think positive, Give it to God, Trust life, Trust yourself, Trust the good in people, Dream it into reality…. & it will be as it must be & it will be good? Is that what we need to take away & focus on? Today I am tired….. today I am exhausted to the point of breaking down in a teary mess & screaming at the world to go away & leave me alone. I have probably created this situation myself by trying to control it.
and so as I end off this post this morning, my 2 monkeys are asleep & dreaming probably of the boundless happiness that they would love to share with me & each other tomorrow morning at 6 am, my spouse is on a business trip & resting peacefully I hope in a hotel in Bloem & I am signing off & saying:
“Today I will be grateful for what opportunities I HAVE been afforded, I will revel in the simple joys that God has bestowed on me, I will continue to attempt to spread joy, peace & light & NOT expect anything in return, I will visualize my life as I think it should be & TRUST that God will give me NOT what I want but what I NEED. I will believe in myself & speak up when I am feeling hurt, rejected, abused. I will not look to the bright light at the end of the tunnel but bask in the tiny lights that glint all around me at every point during my day. I pondered whether I should say TRY rather than WILL & realized that WILL is the only way to create the thought pattern as it should be & not allow it to possibly become something else. I WILL be present in every moment & I WILL not be DISTRACTED.”