Today for me is about the realization that I need to shine my light brightly for the world to see. Its about realizing that I HAVE THE ABILITY to light up a dark space & TO ACTUALLY DO THAT!
Its about realizing that I have the power, picking up the pieces from where it was lost over the years, owning it again FINALLY & JUST shining for the whole WORLD to see!!!!!
Its about believing & re-enforcing that belief within myself so that it becomes a part of me. Its about choosing how I want things to be & having faith that it will be as it must be, as I want it to be & that it will be good.
Yesterday morning started off terribly BUT I realize now that it was Gods way of absolutely PUSHING me to the edge of the abyss so that he could expose the weakness in me to me & allow me the choice to finally embrace it & most importantly make a plan to CHANGE IT!
The afternoon ended off with the most inspiring session with a young lady who is guiding me on finding my true potential. Unlocking the secrets to yourself, finding the triggers for your growth, identifying the stumbling blocks & chipping away at or removing them, dealing with recurring themes that may hold you back…. How blessed I am to be doing this as part of my development in my workplace?
Everything that I had thought about on the drive into office that morning, the questions that I had been asking myself in my head were all confirmed by her in the session through just the simple exchange of thoughts & words…. and once again God came to reveal himself to me. He is constantly working towards the goal post & even when I think I am stagnating, he is ticking the boxes to get me to where HE needs me to be.
What became so evident to me whilst driving into office during the morning rush is that I keep putting myself into compromised positions that DO NOT serve me or those I love & it is because I am putting the plan together. I have an idea or ideas in my head of how & where I am headed and I have NOT YET set the standard of what I NEED or how I need to be treated. PUT SIMPLY, I have not yet realized what is important to me & stood my ground on points that should not be compromised.
I constantly complain about what I don’t want in my life YET I allow those things to be a part of my life! I strive towards treating people fairly yet I don’t treat myself fairly & I also allow myself to be treated unfairly. Why do I not think that I deserve better…. that is something that I may need to work through processing. Always extremely grateful & thankful; even when I have worked myself into stupor to deserve the opportunity. Gratefulness & thankfulness is something that I was raised with… but maybe self respect was lacking in the lessons I was taught & the attributes that were encouraged? I may even DARE I SAY be a product of an era of segregation; being brought up to feel disadvantaged & inferior?
BUT I am not a product of my past….& once again I am on another journey, so many lessons & realizations & growths happening concurrently.
It will not be easy to realize my true worth & continue to view myself in that light. It will not be easy to view myself as ENOUGH & realize that I have given so much already & continue to give so much that is worthy & worthwhile…
I also have to forgive myself for all the years that I have allowed my own self degradation. I am ENOUGH, I am a GOOD person with a good heart & a GREAT purpose. I have touched lives, I have shared light. I have motivated & grown people. I have tended to broken hearts & I have helped build cocoons that have nurtured the most beautiful butterflies….
“I too am like a butterfly…. Fragile & afraid even though I may fly in the front of the formation. I sometimes need a gentle hand to lift me to the skies & for someone to whisper….. fly free. I may alight upon a flower to find nectar & have no success but I will live to alight upon another flower. I may get weary & need to rest my tired wings to fly another day. There will be rainy days & I will have to take shelter… I cannot keep going through the storm. I was born as a version of myself, I put in effort to build a cocoon to be a better version of myself & if I don’t take care I could destroy myself.”