It is 2 days to the end of 2014 & the unrest within me is heightened. The reason for my restlessness is unknown, the only thing I can think of is that I may not have achieved everything that I set out to do this year. I did not record every goal that needed addressing & was not necessarily systematically working towards these. I am anxious about what needs to be achieved in 2015 & about being well prepared to tackle this new year & any challenges it may hold. 2014 has been an absolutely crazy year!
When I look back at what I think I set out to achieve in 2014, I notice that I was way too vague in what I wanted. I also did not complete the list which does not say much for how dedicated I was to the cause. I did not necessarily have a strong Vision driving me, nor did I look at how I would go about achieving that Vision or at least chipping away at it. Don’t get me wrong, I achieved some of the things that I had set out to do, I just don’t know if I attacked everything with as much vigor, passion & determination as I could have & I think in certain things I was very unsure & unfocused.
I don’t think I necessarily believed wholeheartedly that I could achieve everything that I set out to do & I also think that I did not put certain things onto the list because I thought that some things were/are not attainable, that these were pipe dreams.
On a lighter & more optimistic note, I have discovered the power of prayer this year, an amazing gift that has taken my soul to absolutely new heights. I have discovered & renewed my belief in the power of trying to remain positive combined with steadfast faith & prayer. I may not have gone to church every Sunday BUT I am closer to God today than I was at this time last year. This has not been achieved without support from a few very special individuals in my life & also with the protection of guardian angels. I know that my Father above has my back, that no task is too big or too small for him.
I am travelling on the road that I believe is the path towards my purpose & although I am restless & impatient, I will work consistently towards this goal. I think the unrest is also related to not always knowing what the next step is or where I am eventually going to end up. I am actually a ‘planning’ person…I prefer to figure out where I need/ want to be & then plan how to get there. I would never plan to get anywhere if my logical mind did not believe that it is possible, realistically. If I am unsure about where I am going or whether it is even achievable, how can I plan to get there? I also sometimes struggle to plan when I am anxious. In this fractured state of anxiety, I SHOULD bunker down & get clarity… sometimes I don’t. I am learning.
A voice inside my head right now says: “You know yourself well enough to recognize that you need to decide where you want to be & put that onto your list of to do’s for 2015. Dare to dream it & it will be a reality. Speak it into life.”
I look at certain situations & at how I have reacted, What my parents have taught me about life, What is possible & what is IMPOSSIBLE; What my confidence levels tell me is achievable & what is not really within my reach. I have doubt…BUT I am also on a journey to dispel that doubt.
In 2015, the impossible will become a reality for me.
I will move mountains in this new year for “I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me“.
I will yield results in all areas on my life this year because I know that my God wants only the best for me. In his name I rejoice when all is good, in his arms I take shelter when darkness befalls me. I will hold on in faith to Psalm 23 & also to the following verse from Jeremiah 29:11.
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. ” Plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future.”
2014 has been an emotionally exhausting year. In looking back, I cannot even remember everything that has contributed towards the depletion of my physical endurance but my spiritual stamina is well in tact. My body may be exhausted but my soul is telling me to rise up & start assembling the tools to climb the next hill ahead. I am ready, I may not know what is coming BUT with God on my side, my angels & light soldiers all around me, faith in my heart, light in my soul…. I am sure I will survive.