Its Monday. Mondays used to be my worst day of the week as my anxiety levels were always very high when I was in the corporate world. On this particular Monday, I would like to encourage all of you with this post. God always has a plan & he is always in control. Sometimes it is through a trial, through the driest spell of your life that he is busy making his plan a reality.
I love that last Friday, in bible study we learned a bit about this with the story of Moses. He spent 40 years growing up in the palace of the Pharaoh in Egypt. It was in this time that God was laying the foundation for the greatness that was to come. In the second 40 years of his life, after what seemed to be a fall from Grace due to standing up for what he believed in; Moses began to walk a very different path. It was in this trying time of shepherding sheep, one of the lowliest careers of the time, that God was preparing Moses to fulfill the greatness for which he was created. He would learn to shepherd sheep so that he could shepherd Gods people to safety to fulfill the prophecy God had planned at the beginning of all time. It was in this time in the desert that he came to see the burning bush. Had he been in the palace… there would not have been an opportunity to witness the bush burning. The bush would burn in the desert. Perfect place, perfect time.
Sometimes when we think we are undergoing a trial that baffles & astounds us, sometimes breaking us down to our last ounce of energy; it is in that time that God is preparing us for the greatness that is part of His plan.
2 weeks ago I planned to host a talk & a workshop. God had led me to the venue for a completely different & profound reason & I was unbelievably grateful for that calling. I walked away from that experience feeling excited & with great anticipation for what God had planned next. Pretty soon afterwards though, I got my own ideas & started down a completely different path of my own creation. I so desperately wanted my plan to be a reality & it made absolute sense that this was the next step. I ignored the uneasy feeling in the back of my mind & the nervous sensation plaguing me. I convinced myself that it was just the newness of the situation that was causing anxiety. On the days before the talk, I worked tirelessly to complete the material & lost sight of lessons I had learned before regarding my internal stress levels & maintaining balance. I overstepped my own boundaries & I was NOT spending as much time as God would have wanted in the Word. I was focusing on getting my own plans sorted that I had lost sight of Gods plan.
No-one booked for the talk. Not one person… & I felt like a failure. The talk got postponed just hours before it was due to happen. In the hours that followed the postponement, I went through a wide range of emotions. Many questions, some of which I asked God loudly in my studio as I wiped away tears of frustration & disbelief… I sulked, I stewed, I angrily packed away the equipment that I had meant to take with me to the talk, I put my kids to bed… and as I went about my normal evening routine due to the cancelled talk… God reflected to me the purpose for which the events of this evening had unfolded.
I had not been myself over the last few days. I had been completely stressed to the point where my bodies stress indicators were already beginning to flare up. I had not been myself with my kids, I had been on edge & chasing the deadline blindly. When you are walking in your truth, the truth which God intended, there is a sense of knowing, a sense of calm & peace & truth. I did not have that sense of knowing & I had ignored the signals. IF God had allowed the talk to go ahead, if he had actually prompted people to book & set me up for success this time around, I would have walked down a path that may have led me to a very different place. It would have set events in motion that did not necessarily align to what He had planned. I would not have been able to reflect back on how I had broken my own rules & I may have proceeded to stumble down that path & caused myself & those very near & dear to me some damage. I had not even started working on the project that he HAD prompted me on & I knew that this was a very important part of my future. I had caused a bit of my own chaos & I had learned some valuable lessons in the process.
Over the next 2 days I reflected. I really reflected on what it was that He wanted me to hear, to acknowledge & to accept. I came back to the Word & I had questions that had been plaguing me for weeks before answered. I was convicted but I was not somber… I was grateful for the lessons learned.
At the end of that week, I drove to an appointment that had happened as a result of the poster I had created for the workshop & the talk. I had posted the advertisement on social media & an old friend had seen the ad. She had resonated so deeply with it & realised that it was exactly what was needed at a rehabilitation retreat where she was a counselor. She invited me to come & meet with herself & the owner of the retreat. It led to an opportunity that I could not have imagined could be a reality.
As I drove to that appointment on that Friday… I realised that I was not stressed. I was not feeling inadequate or unprepared or afraid. I was calm, enjoying the scenery on the drive. There were no expectations. I was going to share my gift with an old friend & if something came of it – Great. The meeting went very well & we agreed that I had something that I could offer to the clientele that came through the retreat doors. This aligned much more with who I was & what I did. People finding their way once they had stumbled down a path that took them into the dark night of the soul. Finding themselves again, finding happiness again, finding God again. Finding the light again.
I closed off that experience with the reaffirmation that no matter how dark, dry or barren the wasteland is through which we sometimes walk… often is it ALL part of the plan. It is all part of the process. God always has it all mapped out perfectly & if we listen, if we stay still for long enough, reflect on what He is saying; if we look out from our desert, we will see the burning bush. Gods miracle that leads us to greatness. Keep on keeping on light soldiers… & strength to you as your own miracles are revealed & unveiled before your eyes. God never set you up for failure… only for growth. Happy growing!!!