seeking

seeking

This last 2 or 3 weeks have been challenging. I have just been feeling very out of sorts & have had the pressing need to be completely consumed by the word of God. This is sometimes hard because the bible is not always easy to read & understand. I have been seeking God, seeking answers, seeking confirmation, seeking truth, seeking peace. I think the seeking comes from the need to know what happens next, the need to have a view into the future & see what brilliance God has planned.

I would guess that this need is similar to the need that Eve had when she was tempted by the serpent. The need to know, the need to experience everything so fully & richly. Its a human need… a need I am sure we all have.

I have also been slightly obsessed these last few weeks with the colours magenta & the family of darker pinks. These colours symbolise Divine Love, the bridge into knowing, a spiritual blueprint, the knowledge of what I was created for… what I was created to do, to be. It also in its darker side speaks about becoming burnt out from doing, feeling isolated & abandoned, separated from God. Feeling despair….. not feeling free…. feeling burdened. I guess that would then explain my need to be closer to God, seeking His comfort & consolation.

So in terms of coaching myself out of this slump I guess I could start by asking myself how long I have been feeling this way?
The answer is 2 or 3 weeks. It started with the need to move into the next phase on my journey & the realisation that it really is time for me to start defining who I am, what I stand for. What I represent… authentically.

The next phase? How long has THIS phase been? 
Well. I have been doing this for about 8 months full time. Fulfilling my Lifes purpose & walking my journey. Before that I was stuck between worlds, living my purpose but restricted by a career that did not fulfill me. I am lucky to have been given this opportunity do pursue my hearts desire.

8 months, that is not very long. Has it felt long, like its time to create something new, something more? 
No, in the bigger scheme of things it isn’t very long. It has not even been 1 year. This is still very new.  I have been very blessed & very lucky. I am grateful… even though I am asking God what his plan is. I guess I am wanting to reach more people, touch more lives.

What am I looking for when I am seeking God? What is it that I am hoping to find? What is it that I am needing from this transaction?
I am needing God to let me know that I am on the right track, that I am doing what I am supposed to do & that I am in line with His will. That I am following His purpose for my life & that all will reveal itself in due course. I want to see growth, know that I am evolving.

Do I feel like I am evolving? 
Yes, I am learning more about myself everyday. I guess its just about sharing what I am learning so that other people can see that Life is a learning process… everyday.

If I hear from God, will I be satisfied with the answer that He gives me? I am asking to hear from him.. if He answers, will it be enough for me?
Yes

Have I experienced this before? Where I have asked God a question & if so, has He given me an answer?
Yes. He has always answered me. The answer has not always been clear but there has always been an answer nonetheless.

What does that tell me? Is there anything I have learned from this experience in the past?
Its tells me that God always has an answer & he will always give you an answer, even if it is not what you necessarily want to hear. It tells me that I need to trust that He has a plan & that everything that needs to come together WILL come together in its perfect timing. A reminder that its part of the process.

So what Lord is the next step?
I find myself asking aloud this morning in my studio…

…and in his word, from Mathew 6:33-34 says: ” But seek ye first His kingdom & his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefor do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”

but I have been seeking Lord? I have been looking out for signs & messages & waiting patiently for You to reveal yourself. I have been anticipating your burning bush & no bush has burned. Where is this Kingdom you speak of? I am searching for it….
Luke 17:20 says that once on being asked by the pharisees when the Kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, “The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will the people say ‘Here it is’ or ‘There it is’, because the kingdom of God is within you.”

So what does that tell me?
It tells me that my heart must be patient. The Holy spirit lives inside me. He will not allow me to go astray as long as I follow His commands & do as He instructs. As long as I continue to seek Him though His word & give Him the Glory for his greatness… the kingdom of God will continue to be mine. It was given to me by Christ, He will continue to walk with me as long as I continue to walk with Him. I must be patient.

and so it is with patience that I continue to wait for God to reveal the next part in this plan. He has told me that He will take care of me with His plan, He will ensure that I have everything that I need. I must just be patient & be grateful for the path I am on right now. I am doing His work… He will not leave me, He will not forsake me. I will focus on this truth for this moment. Let it resonate with me & sit with me as TRUTH. I will continue to acknowledge HIM as the author & finisher & I will continue to seek His guidance for my life & my path. Everything that I AM, have done & will still do is due to His mercy on my life. The support of my friends & family gives me the strength to fulfill His plans… and His plans are great. May He continue to reveal to me His miraculous plan.

“Let us Acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge Him. As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:3

I am a garden of light. Within me lives Divine Love, the Divine Love of the Creator of all the Heaven & all the earth. I will base my life on His teachings, His Truth will be my mantra. I am LOVE, I am LIGHT, I am a garden awaiting His spring rains… and I will bloom. I will take flight like the birds of the morning. For in my chest beats the heart that he created. I will fly free into the sunset & kiss the sky with my wings…

…. and until then I wait…. patiently.

 

 

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