2017 has drawn to a close & I can feel that there is such a pull for me to close off any stories that I may still be holding onto that should not be a part of the future.
The 2017 year has been amazing! I have had the opportunity to open the doors to a dream I dreamed for a long time & to connect with many beautiful individuals on their journeys. I have been blessed with a beautiful physical & online space. I have spoken at events & shared my thoughts & my ideas. I have been honoured to follow, get to know & collaborate with so many wonderful people.
I have seen my children & my husband grow in leaps & bounds. I have witnessed them come more into their own & find parts of themselves they did not know existed. I have witnessed happiness, sadness, bravery, fear, evolution.
I have been blessed to write my thoughts down in this forum. I have been honoured to have people read & resonate. I have felt doubt about whether what I am writing has value, whether it matters, makes sense, makes a difference. I have realised that maybe it doesn’t & that maybe that doesn’t matter. That writing makes me assimilate my thoughts & that I have loved it since I was a young child. I have rekindled the need to write a book, the same need I had when I was 12 & writing about the adventures of Amber Larson.
I have faced fear. I still do. There are moments when you doubt yourself, when I doubt myself. Moments when I am overcome with my own insecurities & moments when I have to really push myself to try new things, explore new horizons, take new chances. I manage to claw my way through these moments, sometimes with so much anxiety that it makes me need to lie down. My anxiety is not as bad as when I was in corporate but I realise that I am prone to it & I must therefor heed it… I have survived & I have learned so much. I am grateful & I am excited about what the future holds.
I have faced disappointment. I have placed myself on the line in the hope of building a foundation for future & I have been misguided & misled. I have believed that there will always be support but realised that things, people & perspectives change. I have been blessed by those I never dreamed would support me & tossed aside by those I thought would. From this I have learned that it is NOT healthy to have an assumption or an expectation. You can only have a vision & an intention & continue to persevere, reading the signs & navigating the sometimes choppy waters of connection. I am grateful for the lessons. I have realised that every encounter is that… a growth journey on which I must go. A place for me to evolve & transform.
I have grown in my relationship with God. I know that I have a gift & that my gift is very special. I am learning how to use it efficiently & how God needs me to trust myself & Him. I know that He is constantly sending me signs. That if I am stuck in my own drama & anxieties, I cannot see or hear clearly. I have to make time to pray, meditate, reflect, write & share. I know that He is talking to me all the time. Through connections, colour, quiet moments, emotions, illness, beauty, my children, my partner, ALLES!
I have put myself out there. I have bared all, got naked, shown vulnerability, been real, authentic. I have not yet conquered some of my intentions but I will continue to walk that road with so much anticipation & excitement because I know that as I continue to push, God will continue to push for me. I know that His plan for me is magnificent. Probably more magnificent than I can imagine.
I have shocked myself at how passionate I can be, How red. How I can use that RED energy for growth & forward movement & for the fire that I know IS also part of who I am. I also know that that red can lead to anger… that I must not own stories that do not belong to me. That people process, deal & integrate differently. That every moment I am able to learn about myself through someone else pushing my buttons, is a moment God is preparing me for another aspect of my journey.
I have realised that even though I speak on self love & help people navigate their own narrative around it… that my own language of self love is not being practiced nearly as much as it should be. That I still hold onto aspects of my corporate self. The self that works right through lunch & doesn’t take enough of a break. The self that refuses to take an afternoon nap & feels guilty about just kicking back during working hours. I am processing this & I am grateful.
I am learning about letting go of the last shreds of materialism & processing any conflict within myself. The need to have stuff, the need to earn what I deem to be a decent amount of money. The pressure around social status whether tangibly or on online. Dealing with validation, what it means to me, what makes me feel valued, needed. My role within society as a whole, not only as a business owner & a young entrepreneur but as a service provider, a servant leader, someone who is able to give back to my community & to those that needs support, encouragement & facilitation.
TRUST IS A MUST
I have learned that when you truly trust God, when you just take that heavy noose from your own neck, you are free. That in moments of overwhelm, with your mind, your fear & your anxieties, you can create a storm in which you may either be blindsided or resurrected. Through reflection & realisation, with Gods guidance & support, you are able to navigate & integrate, allowing yourself to process the evolution that is a vital part of your journey.
WHAT LIES AHEAD
2018 is going to be a year of mastery. A year for setting more Visions & intentions that are the foundation for the legacy for which God has created each one of us. A year to find purpose or further establish your purpose… a year to break free from the craziness that the world encourages & to embrace the simplicity & seamlessness of a purpose driven life. A year to embrace who you are underneath all the layers you have grown to protect yourself. A year to look at yourself in the mirror & see yourself as God sees you. Unmasked, unfettered, understood. This is my intention for myself & for all of you beautiful souls…
VISIONS OF MY FUTURE
The future holds so much potential. Some of the areas that are a focus for me in this new year includes:
- Continue to focus on living with Vision, intention & purpose, being completely aware & at ease with my journey & my circumstances.
- Continue to build a movement of Vision, Intention & Purpose
- Expand my reach so that Intentional living is a possibility for more people
- Improve the way I treat myself through self love & self care
- Embark on a journey of health & fitness to create a better vessel for holding my soul
- Be more adventurous by challenge myself to do more new things
- Meet more people, make more friends, love people more unconditionally
My heart feels like it may explode from the joy it holds. The joy for ALL of it. The entire process & all I have learned from it. May 2018 bring you everything that takes you closer to God, your purpose & the future that you dream of within your own heart. May you look back on the challenges & see it all as part of the connection… to yourself. What is it that your heart dreams of for 2018? What is it that you would love to do, achieve, embark on? Leave us a comment… we would LOVE to be a part of your journey!