I am busy rehashing self love in this the month of LOVE & how fitting that I am finalizing these thoughts on the day before Valentines. In looking at the concept of self love, I am looking back at a previous blog on Exploring SELF focusing on not 1 or 2, BUT all 17 truths & resonating with them in a completely revived way.
I have been on a mission about a few things but it is in missioning that the realization hit home for me that through clients setting visions, intentions or purposes for themselves, there always seems to be a road that leads back to self love. Through my own process, the road has also lead back to self love, so much so that the embracing of the self is becoming a foundational concept & one that will be a key focus for Evolution Inc. in blogs & workshops going forward.
I have been on a tangent about communication, processing loads of ideas around blue as a concept colour & working around the principles of trust, faith & love. All of these are part of the 17 truths in Exploring SELF & it has been so wonderful to remind myself about these realisations again. Sometimes one does require a bit of a refresher…. MOST times, if one has not been integrating certain concepts, they come up for you to look at again & again until you do something about cultivating some new habits around them.
One of the biggest focus areas for me these last 2 weeks has been around point 2 in Exploring SELF, which deals with speaking your truth. Most of all it has been about developing a language of love with which to do this communicating of truth that is so important. It is an old concept but one that I had not yet completely processed & so (with this being the 2018 master year) this incomplete process has resurfaced in order to be finalized & integrated by me. I would love to share some thoughts around this with you if I may?
A language of love
In speaking a language of love, there should always be a focus on being gentle & kind. We may have something to say that is a bit more challenging to verbalize but one can still speak in such a way that what we say is not hurtful. In building the narrative for conversation that we may have in our day to day encounters, we admittedly DO try to work ‘amicably’ alongside people & speak to them with respect. Sometimes this is hard to do when there are emotions aflare but practice makes progress so do not be disillusioned.
In thinking about what we say & how we say it, what has been an important focus in my head has been what I allow myself to feel, how I allow myself to be, how I allow myself to be spoken to & that lead my thinking down a road of how I speak to myself as well. This is probably some of the most important narratives to unpack because it affects us in ways that we do not even realise.
YES, the narrative with yourself is probably one of your most important focus areas & it is the thing we often give the least consideration.
When we are NOT speaking our truth, when we are NOT setting up boundaries, when we are ALLOWING ourselves to be taken advantage of, when we are cursing ourselves for what we say, think, feel. When we are hiding ourselves, when we are masking, when we are not trusting our decisions, when we are questioning ourselves at every corner, when we are being indecisive because we think someone else could do it better, say it better, be more efficient & we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to grow, learn, love, embrace, be seen, be heard, share, teach…. We take for granted that scientifically we are feeding our brains a narrative that is far from nurturing & in fact is not ideal at all for cultivating a loving relationship with ourselves.
The words we say to ourselves are often accusatory, attacking & sometimes belligerent. This happens almost automatically with me & unconsciously almost with phrases like “That wasn’t smart” or “Not clever Lynne…” or with thoughts like “What were you thinking?” or “You are making a fool of yourself!”
These are some of the gentler narratives, there are some that are much more aggressive. Although we utter these words & thoughts out of habit most times, like a small child, our brains hear what we are saying & the dance we do with ourselves becomes destructive. The brain does not know the difference between reality & your thoughts, visions, musings & imagination. If it is fed with enough support around a concept, it will autopilot those responses & hard code the ideas. YES! Energy goes where intention flows. If you intend to treat yourself in a way that is not ideal, this will become the norm.
I believe that this is a behaviour that we need to start digging up & weeding out at the grass roots level. Too often, we find kids being hard on themselves due to the narrative that we use around them & sometimes with them. Sometimes it happens automatically because we speak the same language to ourselves… it may be phrases we were told as children or narratives we adopt at the office.
I want you to pretend for a second that there is a situation that brings on challenging emotions for you. It could be any kind of situation that give you feels that are not all together comfortable. Instead of dealing with yourself in a forceful manner, deal with yourself gently as if you are having a conversation with a sensitive friend or with a very young child.
Lets use the example of anxiety around doing something new that makes you nervous. A completely new experience that you may have some deeply embedded anxiety around & possibly something that you have had a less than ideal situation with before. Something that scares you a little… or alot.
What is the narrative you use with yourself? Do you even talk yourself through it? Do you take the time to sit down with yourself & coach yourself through it or do you just expect yourself to get there & be okay? The language you choose to speak to yourself in any situation is of the utmost importance.
Lets pause at that thought
I am going to stop this blog right here because its getting a little long winded but in the next edition of ‘building a language of love’ we will add steps to this new dance. My hope is that this new language will become something that we spend some time practicing.
Are you up for learning a new language? Are you keen to become fluent on treating yourself with some grace? Subscribe to stay connected to ‘building a language of love’… until next time.