Behind this smile (Poetry)

Behind this smile (Poetry)

Behind this smile I hold a thousand thoughts that bite & knaw & tear me apart

Behind this smile I hold the fragments of my broken heart like shards of glass

Behind this smile I have these dreams that come to haunt in when I close my eyes

Behind this smile I hold regret & pain that are like wounds that never heal

Behind this smile I say words to myself that cut me deep within & cause me to bleed and bleed & bleed

Behind this smile I feel drained & desolate like an abandoned well

Behind this smile I cry & scream & slam my fists against the inner chambers of my soul

Behind this smile the lyrics pour like lava from a hot volcano mouth & burns to ash all life that grows around me

Behind this smile I kneel with folded hands & ask for some relief from the lashings of my mind upon my heart

Behind this smile I yearn for things that in my mind I may have told myself will never be

Behind this smile I take offence & feel betrayal that cripples me

Behind this smile I fear & fear the truth about myself & life & what I’m called to do

Behind this smile I feel a crazy mess begin to build into a wind that lifts all things around me into a storm

Behind this smile my inner words are pinched & squashed & create a chain with which I bind myself captive every day

Behind this smile I hold my inner fears & they erode my sense of self & worth

Behind this smile my dreams become like dying embers that can no longer be revived

Behind this smile I choose to go within but I do not return to share the tale

Behind this smile I go into the darkest place & there I lie & bleed until my breath becomes a laboured gasp for life

Behind this smile I make a choice that hurts me but it also brings relief

Behind this smile I hold the light up high but then decide to blow it out

Behind this smile I watch the fading of the day & know that even though the sun will rise again I may not rise with it

Behind this smile I reach out in ways that are not understood hoping that someone will see…

Behind this smile.

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